dropping by

alrighty. see what a time waster i am. midterm break's almost over. and i have not accomplished much. sad to say. sigh. where has all the time gone? anyway, way back when...monday. hady became SG idol 2. muahahahaha! knew it. I KNEW IT!!!! jonathan cannot sing! the new single song was so cool! it totally fit hady so well. it was obviously not suited for jon's voice. haha! error in judgement cost him the title of SG idol. little tidbit i heard. i heard that both hady and taufik auditioned to be bar singer at this certain bar. and while hady got the place, taufik did not. BUT look at both of them now! both are SG idol. woah! is that cool or what?! anyway, mum and dad got tickets to go to the indoor stadium for the show. :p i wanted to go but mum didn't allow me to skip choir. bleah.

nus choir. that is becoming one of my full time jobs sia. i spent practically the ENTIRE break on choir stuff. how sad is that? my life revolves solely around school and choir. seriously. i was so depressed with my life, on thursday night, i almost cried at the bus stop while waiting for the freaking bus. at that point, thank god for portable clack. i do NOT want to make a fool of myself in public. i think i'm becoming more and more depressed. :p not good. it's a psychological illness, depression is. anyway, cos thursday was a BAD day.

thursday, woke up in pain from leg cramp in my right leg. fucking pain lah! can you imagine. i couldn't move to rub my leg to warm it up. can practically feel every single freaking muscle in my calf contracting and twisting. now i know how people can drown from having leg cramps. anyway, then, bright and early, went to the UCC for the PM workshop. that went ok. slept in the 151. aircon! down side, there was tv mobile but my mp3 could cover the sound, so it was ok. despite my effort to leave the house later, i still reached the UCC half hour early. :p first half of the workshop was ok. there were less people than wednesday tho. but that was ok. had lunch with johni at business. had toothache. from that weird jutting out tooth at the back. i think it was caused because when i was chewing my sweet, i bit it down wrong. damn scared lah. i don't want to have to pull out the tooth. and when that part of the mouth has problems, the defects can be felt in all it's horrigible detail. so...

the afternoon session was ok, i think. we were back about 10minutes early to the UCC. johni accidently kiaped my left toe in between the seats in the hall. oh. my. god. P-A-I-N!! it was those foldable seats, you know the kind that springs upwards when you don't sit in them? ya, those kinds. at the back, there was hard plastic casing and a space between the chair back and the seat. so, my foot was there, and johni didn't know and he released the chair. the rest is history. you know the interesting part, there isn't even a blue-black on my toe. so, there you go. 2 legs in pain. almost fell asleep in the afternoon session. so sleepy. and the hall so nice to sleep in.

anyway, after the thing, went to YIH to photocopy carolling scores for jubilate. :p i should make them all pay me sia. such a large bulk of my money goes to photocopying for them. why that fk create so much redtape to use the machine in the priests house??! anyway, then, went to subway for dinner. something interesting also. the cashier guy gave me one of those huge plastic cups free. O.O cool! i actually thought he did it by accident, cos the lady before me was asking how much one of those cost and he told her it wasn't for sale. the story of how i got the cup, as i paid for my meal, he plonked my food and the cup on the counter. i was planning to just leave the cup cos i didn't think it was mine. then, i noticed that one of the handles of my food plastic bag was broken, so i asked him for another bag. he took another bag, and put the cup into the bag and pushed it towards me. okay...so, i assumed the cup was mine and took it. haha! i gave the cup to joseph in the end. he was saying he needed a water bottle. and besides, i already got one of those at home that i don't use. so, rather than letting it collect dust...

actually, looking back, i don't know why the day ended up with me almost crying at the bus stop. it was ok wat. maybe cos i was so darn tired. and thinking about jubilate, the event management stuff...dunno. i can't remember. i just know that it was so bad...i had to resort to clack to make me happy. i had loaded the MAKING FACES into my player. so watched that (go watch!). made me smile. god bless clay for being able to do that. that was thursday.

then, friday. was an interesting day. firstly, i was supposed to meet jasmine and co at 11am at tamp to do our EL project. i overslept. when i woke up, i found that it was already 10am. so, rushed lor. took the train. and guess what! i was the first one to arrive! muahahaha! me, jasmine, su hui and adeline went to starbucks first. it was SO empty. we were supposed to be observing the language use there, but it ended up being an outing. haha! we ordered coffee and cakes and gossiped. then we went to ya kun and basically did the same thing. if i wasn't on a time limit, we would probably have gone to burger king and cafe cartel also. haha! had some fun at least.

friday afternoon was blown on linear algebra. thank god joseph asked me if i did the homework yet cos i did not know there was homework to do on it. so, rushed it out. haven't finished yet. left 3 questions i think. that crazy prof lian. i seriously seriously do not know what he's trying to do. i cannot understand his book at all. and you know what one of the questions implied to do? it implied for us to find the determinant of a 4x4 matrix. i took one entire foolscap page and still didn't get the answer. and most frustrating, that part i think needs a theorem that i've heard of but never proven. and me being stupid as i am, can't do proofs from scratch like that. so, refer to my MA1101 textbook. the theorem is there but "the proof of this part is beyond the scope of this text and will be omitted". wtf.

saturday. had the skin center performance in the morning. running late. but i ran into iris, huai zhi and adyll on the train. muahaha! so, not so bad given that the president and SC is late too. the performance went quite ok i think. some of the juniors seemed unsure of the choir protocol regarding attire. some of them were not wearing black accessories, strappy heels, and some were still wearing their jewellery. and some of them didn't know how to tie the skirt. *shakes head* anyway, i didn't do much work today. i just couldn't concentrate. so sad.

tmr really have to chiong for MA1102 liao. the test on tuesday and i still don't understand squeeze theorem and the epsilon-delta definition. die.




mood: sick (runny nose)
listening to: my bro practicing for his solo tmr.

all pages of the same story

depressing stuff before the happy...

i pity tian for joining us at such a bad time. at the very least, she's still sticking in there. thank you for that. i received an email from one of my choir members telling me that effective immediately, she's quitting the choir. i will not pretend that that wasn't a huge blow. so where do we go from here? such a rag-tag crew now, is it worth keeping the choir open? or would it be better to close right now? i have no idea what the future will hold. how all our plans for the future will turn out. maybe i'm just not strong enough a leader to hold them all together. dunno.

nus choir is also piling on pressure. raj is threatening to call the police if we can't track down the last two pitchpipes. and i will go and see him on monday and hear what he has to say, bear what he has to scold. sigh. also have to call up hotels to ask for carolling deals. i rather you kill me now. it was bad enough calling up and asking billions of people if they wanna go and watch "superman returns", let alone selling my choir to them. there's a reason why i quit door-to-door sales after one week. anyway. life goes on.

if i have to give up one. i will give up st stephen's choir. i'm sorry. but that is the one that's causing me the most amount of stress. the problem is, the one that i wanna give up is the very one that i can't give up unless we close. a nice dilemma we have here. sigh.

anyway. happy stuff now.

finished EL2101 midterm also. that was quite fun. drawing trees and stuff. not too bad. happy.

I HAVE FINISHED MA2101 MIDTERM!!!!!! and i'm proud to announce that i am not going to drop the module because i think that i can manage it after all. the test wasn't as unmanageable as the tutorials and apart from gaps in my knowledge because i didn't study hard enough, it was fine. it wasn't like i didn't know how to do it at all. so, yup, joseph can celebrate. he's not going to be alone in ma2101. anyway, so happy the midterm is over. there was these china people sitting in front of me in the LT openly discussing how to do the questions. or rather, the china guy finished his paper and was looking over at his friend's answer and guiding her along when it was obvious that she didn't know how to do. i was SO glad when the teachers confronted him when he tried to hand in the paper. haha!

other stuff. choir dinner last night. i had the time of my life. omg. the evening started out badly, i had a headache and was so tempted to go home. anyway, we were put to tables by luck of the draw (sweets). i was at the blue table with paulus, jun, chunfang, wendy, cindy, natalie, johnny, joanne, huaizhi. first task was to write a story that another group would have to act out later. i think we were so evil. we wrote about a naked commando and his troop of gay recruits eating and regurgitating silk stockings, putting them on their heads, and pole dancing. poor red group got that one. adyll was the commando and he did a VERY impressive pole dance. lol! my group had an easy one about a pregnant lady vibrating to the vibes of a volcano and dissonant sacred music. paulus did a very good 'pregnant' lady act. it'll go down in history of nus choir i tell you.

other stuff from that night. the food was very nice. surprisingly the vegetables, though looking faded and yucky, were quite nice. the seafood chowder(?) was not bad too. of course, paulus just had to mix his vegetables with his ice-cream puffs. how gross is that? when the vegetable gravy were soaking into the ice-cream puffs? no surprise, no one shared his puffs. they had other games. tongue twister game was fun. joseph was the best of his group and i think the whole choir. something about gorgoyles and gobbling goblins. i think something about his accent helped him to pronounce all the "g"s. it was fun though. especially the poor group with the "sh" words. lots of freudian slips there.

the ice cube game, where the girl had to melt an ice cube into a guy's body part (luck of the draw as to which part). poor paulus got brain freeze from drawing forehead. charles got brain freeze too. lol! his reaction was so violent when it happened. the angmoh guy (i think his name is martin) had to rub it in his arms. he was like, "there is no pain! there is no pain!" aiyo. i pity those who had to do it on the elbows. pre runner to getting arthritis. kurien was giving his usual, very RA explicit encouragements, into the mic until they pulled the mic away from him (little kids present in the restaurant). then there was the eating donut game. i sucked at that. seriously. me was with jun and joseph. (very interesting combination). jun choked on the donut. but she says she's ok now.

the barclays people sang "that's what friends are for". very nice! the other people in the restaurant were listening and the baby was singing along too. so cool! took group photo. poor charles was standing in front of kurien and the target of all his very much more RA explicit...things. charles said that he felt violated. i am SO going to miss kurien when he graduates this year. he brings so much life to the choir now that yan ting is gone. he was doing his "pop" sound again. and this time they gave him the mic to do it into. freaking loud!

alrighty. all for now. midterm break is here! *celebrations*



mood: happy
listening to: everytime you go away - clay aiken

random clay stuff

ok, you can tell i'm stressed out when my blog becomes full of depressing stuff and my solution to that is to indulge in clack. lol! so, here's a whole post dedicated to clay. if you don't like clay, don't read this post.

so to start...i've gotten the new cd!!!!!!! yay!!! and it was quite cheaper than i thought also. $18.95. not bad. i expected it to be $20+. so not complaining there. i didn't really like ATDW at first, but it kinda grew on me. :D the good thing is, it's not like MOAM where i just switch myself off during the middle few songs. you know how some cds have this tendency for the first few songs to be really attention grabbing and then it wanes in the middle? well, ATDW isn't like that lor! i like it cos it's very sing-along-able. he does all those covers that i'm familiar with so i can sing along! BUT i don't like the way he did "right here waiting". i was waiting for him to croon out the classic version, but...he changed it. so that was one disappointment.

other songs, i absolutely LOVE "broken wings". i think that's my favourite on the cd. ok, it's not very sing-along-able, but the way he did it is so cool. to me, it's got the tone of "touch" sans the overtly sexual stuff, but this...i can imagine a very sensual (and not sexual, there's a difference)relationship and tone. it's like, those movies where the couple go out and slow dance on a darkened ballroom then go and make love on the beach, slowly and passionately. beautiful. another song i love is "everything i have". it's about unconditional love. it's more innocent in a way. i like the line that says, "i would promise the world, but it's out of my hands, i can only give you everything i have". so sweet. it's about the guy singing that he feels that he can never be the perfect man, that he can never love her as well as he thinks he should. and i THINK it's an original song. *g* i wanna pull him out of my computer and give him a big hug.

moving on. he's doing his rounds on the talkshows. i watched "the tonight show" clip last night. it was so funny! he was talking about his holiday in europe, how he got horribly sick there and thought he had bird flu. but it did sound serious. i mean, he took the wrong medication and passed out in public, getting a 105.5F (40.8C) temperature. he was apparently convinced he had bird flu and was gonna die. so he called up his mom to arrange his funeral, says he wants ruben to sing at his funeral. jay was saying, "oh so you fall sick and immediately you arrange your funeral." i couldn't stop laughing. wonderful stress reliever. you should hear him talk about his personal housekeeping. jay was making fun of the way he makes...tries to make...sandwiches. clay is such an IDIOT. and he still denies that he's crazy. geez.

more serious stuff. this hasn't been aired yet, so it's just rumour. clay did a pre-recorded interview with diane sawyer for GMA. apparently, he's going to come out of the closet and admit that he's gay. or rather, he's going to address the rumours and the topless pictures. i also heard that he says he gets panic attacks since he got famous and has had to go on anti-depressants to control it. poor baby. sometimes i worry about him when i hear things like this. is he ok? it's like, he got catapulted into fame and fame does things to you. especially when it's practically an overnight thing like this. hmm...*hugs* to him.

something more light hearted. lately he's been seen wearing rings and jewellery. now, let's talk about the rings. maybe he got married over the earlier part of the year. on his cd liner notes, he dedicated the song "when i see you smile" to kristy, his friend who's been seen around him quite often. oh the speculation! but then again, he's just gotten another dog, so maybe it's not true. i mean, people tend to collect cats when they are lonely and bachelors or bachelorettes. since clay is afraid of cats...he collects dogs? go figure.

alrighty. all for now. got to go for darn MA2101 soon. but the clack therapy has helped. :D



mood: happy
listening to: without you - clay aiken

forgot to mention

yesterday prof lian was acting very strangely. today also. he was in an exceptionally good mood. he smiled and as he was cleaning the whiteboard, he was HUMMING. *jaw drops* and today. he was so enthusiastically describing some theorem as being such a wonderful theorem, the 'prettiest' theorem we'll ever see. oh. my. god. who are you and what did you do to my cranky crusty lecturer?

he's going on leave pretty soon, so probably that's why he's in such a good mood. but it's just freaky.



mood: amused
listening to: cry out to jesus - third day

little moments

little moments of happiness and interest are what keeps me going. :D

forgot to talk about the EL2101 'test' i had last thursday. that was very interesting. we were all there, ready for the test. dr kim distributes the papers. then he says, this test will not be counted in your final grade. you don't have to hand it up. you can don't do the test. you can discuss with your partner. (-.-") wat da hell?!

last sunday, went to national library for lunch and some reading time. ran into paulus at hans. guess what? we were both wearing the same thing. voyage of songs tshirt and jeans. lol. anyway, then, later, inside the library. ran into xiao jing. :D small world sia. anyway, there was this interesting installation inside the library for the bienale thing. there were some books with white spines and there was a projector projecting pictures of flames. and apparently sounds of burning also. lol! what a thing to show inside a library. isn't book burning sacrilegious or something to library nuts? and guess which section was burning. the comic book section. haha!

then monday. the day started out very interestingly also. i left the house at 10.20am. supposed to meet up earlier in school to discuss EL stuff. anyway, so, i usually leave the house 10.30 and find that i'm the first person to arrive in class. so didn't leave very much earlier on mon. BUT, went out to macpherson road to wait for the 151. waited. and waited. and waited. it wasn't until 11.15am that the stupid bus decided to come. fancy that. i was like 5 minutes late instead of my usual half hour early. you'd think that with all the bus fare increases and stuff like that, SBS might use the extra money to improve service. but...no. the standard of service actually deproves. you know, the other day, it was raining like it was the end of the world. and it was LEAKING at every joint on the inside of an aircon bus. it's like, i board the bus to stay dry, but i might as well not bother. *rolls eyes* but the rest of monday went well, surprisingly, given the general rule to life that if anything can go wrong, it will. guess the bus episode was the limit liao.

tuesday. in GEK1500, i saw a blatant act of vandalism of the LT. you'd think that at this age, ppl would know better than to engage in such acts of vandalism. and this vandalism that i saw was not the normal scribble on table vandalism. guess what the guy was doing. he was using a drill bit and digging a HOLE in the LT table. *jaw drops* and his two friends were helping him. *jaw drops further* AND the hole was at least half a cm deep. oh my god. i was SO tempted to take a photo of him doing it and send to STOMP or something. see what kind of people they're nurturing as the 'future leaders of singapore'.

wednesday. today went ok. me and joseph were still struggling over MA2101 but we've enlisted jun to help us. so nice of her!! i think by the time the module is over, we really owe her a good treat. anyway, the girls while at the walkway just now were asking me, who's the guy? okaay... he's joseph, choir mate, module mate, tutorial mate. all round nice guy and fellow sufferer of the debilitating neuro-condition known as MA2101. got ji hui to fa zan? i don't know. only time can tell this one. we're just friends. :D

alrighty. other stuff. i have FINALLY read the next sequels to Ender's Game. so happy to finally be able to find Speaker for the Dead. omg! talk about a good book! love it!! i wanna buy the entire Ender series. the first ever science fiction books that i actually enjoy. thanks to ty for intro-ing me to it. Xenocide was also great, but a little on the dry side cos of all the philosophical arguments about life. but i think it gets better on second reading (which i haven't done yet, so just hypothesising). cos on first reading, i'm really rushing to the exciting parts of the story cos i wanna know!!! what happens to the descolada, does quim die, will they shut down jane, what's up with the ritual purification thing? so much that's happening and it's all sandwiched between the bits of philosophical meandering. btw, funny part. jane is showing off that she can hold two conversations simultaneously. so ender and miro say "alimenation. respiration. excretion." to show off stuff that they can do and she can't, just to make her jealous of them. kinda pay back for her showing off. (jane is a really smart computer programme with a personality.)

ok, the claymate part of my life. the WMS has moved it's board. well...let's just say that the new board takes getting used to. i was kinda surprised when i saw the new board. so flower power. practically 100% switch over from the previous board. i've moved my clone fic over, so that's ok. but kinda heartpain having to move it. i had 132 hits on it leh!!

new clay pics have appeared on the net. it's... ... ... ok. there's one that makes him look like he just got caught in the rain or something. hehe! too much gel in the hair. oh ya, i saw this really sweet one of him and chamberlin (quiana's son). aw... he's got a new dog. also a border terrier. named durham. raleigh's got a new brother now.

5 days to ATDW. 10 days to midterm break. :D :D



mood: content
listening to: Into the West - Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

i'm such a depressed person lately

life sucks. and i know it's my fault. i can't make myself focus on things that are important, such as studies. for example. now. i'm here blogging when i should be working on my tutorials. maybe i shouldn't drop MA2101 cos it's only a mark of how lazy i've become. it's depressing. i mean, i want to start my work, but i just can't focus long enough to get stuff done properly. i could barely drag myself to type this post. church stuff sucks. he's being illogical and unreasonable again and i'm dreading having to face him tomorrow. who knows what might happen. i hated myself for practically breaking down in front of everybody. i don't cry when i'm sad, i cry when i'm totally absolutely frustrated. i hate my life. someone get me out of it. i wish i'd just go to sleep and not wake up. haiz. there is no light on the horizon. nothing excites me, nothing jolts me out of my torpor. or rather, nothing good is able to affect me that much. i hate school. i wish i could just drop out. there's no point in what i'm doing. i don't enjoy my classes. i'm going to fail everything. i just want to put a padlock on time and make nothing have to change ever again. utopia. the place where time does not pass. where things can go on the way you want it to be. where we're all happy with ourselves.

Josh Groban - When You Say You Love Me
Like the sound of silence calling,
I hear your voice and suddenly I'm falling,
lost in a dream.
Like the echoes of our souls are meeting,
You say those words, my heart stops beating.
I wonder what it means.
What could it be that comes over me?
At times I can't move.
At times I can hardly breathe.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me,
For a moment, there's no one else alive.

You're the one I've always thought of.
I don't know how, but I feel sheltered in your love.
You're where I belong.
And when you're with me if I close my eyes,
There are times I swear I feel like I can fly,
For a moment in time,
Somewhere between
The Heavens and Earth.
I'm frozen in time
Oh, when you say those words.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
For a moment there's no one else alive.

bridge:
And this journey that we're on.
How far we've come and I
Celebrate every moment.
And when you say you love me,
That's all you have to say.
I'll always feel this way.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and.
When you say you love me
In that moment I know why I'm alive.

When you say you love me.
When you say you love me.
Do you know how I love you?



mood: depressed :(
listening to: nothing

and some

haven't blogged in a while. and not exactly intending to. not that much exciting stuff happening in my life anyway. i feel so sian. sigh.

finished NWC-ing Missa Brevis. what an achievement. lol.

still can't decide whether to drop MA2101 or not. had my first MA1102 lab session. it's easier than the MA1101 lab. just realised that ALL my lecturers and tutors are male. cool!

the student exchange day the other day. i think i'm going to try and apply again.

church choir is going down the drain. bad timing lah. what with exams and school and busy schedules.

steve irwin the crocodile hunter has died. it's sad, even though i don't really know him.



mood: apathetic
listening to: the water is wide - jane siberry

betrayed!!!!

argh!

2 of my good friends joined resonance. despite their total resistance to nus choir because of the time they can't pull out. and they can pull out the time for resonance. which is just as time-consuming as nus choir. :p :p :p *pout* *pout again*

i've been betrayed. she talked them into it. :p but i'll get over it. DH, you better not join resonance ah. else i'll never talk to you again.



mood: sulking
listening to: at the beginning - donna lewis, richard marks